September

September is finally here, and although it is still 90 degrees out, I can't help but dream about pumpkin muffins, long walks in Central Park, seeing in leaves change and finally being able to wear clothes again. I can't wait to wear my jeans again!

This pregnancy is almost over and I feel bitter sweet about it. I am so curious to see who the little fellow is and I am completely over this weight gain/ feeling so sluggish all the time. With that in mind I am also nervous about what is coming. There is no way for me to prepare mentally for having this life change, I try to visualize Seb and I with a baby this fall and it is difficult. For some reason I think it is easier looking 10 years down the road and seeing us as a family. I'm looking forward to being on the "other side" of this pregnancy and having this experience. It will definitely change me as a person and my priorities will most likely change. I just wonder HOW it will change me. I will most certain love my mother even more, if that is possible…

A lot of people ask me if I'm afraid of giving birth, or being in labor which sounds more accurate. I walked passed a woman on the street last week, she was clearly in labor and her partner was trying to wave down a cab. She looked terrified. I can't say that I feel scared. I don't know what to expect. So far this pregnancy I have always excepted the worst and the reality has not been so bad. A lot has to do with attitude and of course I'm very thankful for having such a smooth ride. At this point I look at the birthing part as a competition. Blood starts rushing in my body and the feeling I get is just like before a important game or a heavy lift at the gym. I get pumped and can feel the adrenalin. We'll see how it actually will feel once it starts.

I got treated to a baby shower on Saturday with my volleyball friends. Janelle, who hosted, is also pregnant due in January and could not believe that showers weren't apart of the swedish tradition. I feel so blessed having so many wonderful and generous people in my life. It is difficult being here "alone" going through this big change in life. I miss my family and I miss my friends. Although we have each other, sometimes we just need someone to take care of us. I guess we will always be kids and need that comfort. So having the girls get together and treat me to a delicious meal, giving me (the baby) gifts that they think/know/believe I need is such an amazing feeling. I am so incredibly thankful and feel a little more prepared now than I was a few days ago. They spared me all the silly games which I was very thankful for! As a swede my thoughts of this event is mostly, why is it only the woman that gets a baby shower? I felt a little bad for Seb, I don't know if he would appreciate opening gifts filled with baby clothes and blankets, but for some reason it feels very old fashioned. I am all for girls night out and such, but this baby is a part of both of us and is our responsibility. I also think it is hilarious when I see how uncomfortable many people are that we don't know the sex of the baby. Here it's either a baby girl or a baby boy. All the products are merchandised that way and if it's a surprise it is yellow. The stores and the people have string opinions on what is for girls vs. boys. So when I say I love grays and navy people assume I'm having a boy. Because why would you dress a girl in navy? Well dear readers.. We'll see in 1-3 weeks. Week 38 here we go.